Position Wanted

This week there was no time for blogging. I was updating my resume. No job in particular but like a good Girl Scout, I wanted to be prepared. If perhaps Donald or Martha realize they are still in need of better talent I need to be ready.

A resume is tough to do because it is important to get your great attributes across on paper. Unfortunately, my best attributes are difficult to put into words, though I've been told my eyes are my best feature. I'm not sure if that's pertinent or even true. (I believe it came from a sailor in a bar near closing time.) So it took some doing to put my best foot forward (my left one - the right one has a bunion.) I outlined my education, my work experience and my unique skills and talents. I'm sure there is a Fortune 500 company looking for a woman who can put her fist in her mouth.

I read it over carefully, realizing the importance of accuracy.

I found the wording a little tricky. How does one explain that I can smile, nod and appear sincere when inside I'm thinking you're full of crap and wondering what's for dinner. Oh yes, interpersonal skills. I know how to unjam the copier and check my email. Excellent technical knowledge. You get the idea.

It then occurred to me that perhaps rather than being accurate or even truthful I might be able to sell myself better if I embellished just a little.

And off I went. I threw around phrases like "the concept and proven effectiveness" "along with exceptional interpersonal skills and a passion for a job well done" "sharing my expertise" "technical skills to produce effective educational materials and the enthusiasm to present these ideas to others".

I sound amazing. If I had a company I would make myself management right off the bat. I created the picture of the perfect administrative assistant. But why stop there. At this point, I should shoot for the moon. Upper management for sure. Or perhaps with creative writing like my resume I should contact the Brothers Grimm. Maybe the market is ready for a new fairtale.