Out, Out, Damned Spot!

I was just sitting here innocently paying the final bills for the golf course and glanced down. To my horror I saw a little brown spot. I hoped it was chocolate or coffee, I'd have settled for a freckle, but it I was to be honest with myself I would have to admit to an age spot.

But honestly is highly overrated. In fact, I have been an advocate for lying for years. The truth usually hurts, often offends and is seldom the best policy. So the little brown spot on my hand is not an age spot or liver spot but a new beauty mark.

Oh I am so lovely.

Who am I?

I think I'm coming to a fork in the road. I'm wrapping up my career as Pro-Shop Manager at the local Golf Course. I've retired from any and all secretarial/clerical work. My days as short-order cook are over. I no longer cater to large groups. I admit I no longer have any interest in the local conservation district. I have long forgotten anything I new about schools, churches, credit unions, auction marts and trucking companies. I have raised my children and sent them packing. I've come to a place in my marriage that understands the importance of compromise and negotiations. So as I count the last of the golf tees and golf shoe spikes it occurs to me that I need something else to fill my time.

I know that seems exciting but at my age it's a little scary. For all the years that I was tied to a job I dreamed of having the time to exercise, do crafts, maybe make some homemade soap, have lunch with friends, clean and organize the house, landscape the yard, make friends with my inner child, get in touch with my spiritual side. All the things I've dreamed of are now possible.

BUT!!! After 29 years of cooking a supper in under 20 minutes, eating in 5, throwing in laundry while vacuuming, reading only while going to the bathroom, talking to friends for intervals of less than 2 minutes, cleaning the entire house in 10 minutes, pampering myself by way of a 4 minute shower, I confess that I don't know who the heck I really am.

It was easy to dream about cycling and hiking when I knew that time didn't allow it. But now with time on my hands how will I justify my flabby thighs, dirty house, and unbalanced bank account.

I'll either have to come up with new and exciting excuses or else really try some of this stuff. I don't know where to start. I'll have all the time in the world to get to know me but WHAT IF I DON'T LIKE ME?

I'm going to start with the promise to myself to clean the fridge and go for a walk. If I like the company I'll try it again tomorrow. If not I'll be calling you to entertain me. We'll see how it goes from there. Wish me luck!

Feeling a little like Frank Sinatra

And now the end is near ...... I did it my way.

And it turns out my way was good enough for me. However, there are 200 members who don't agree. And while almost all of these members hope I will come back to work next season "cause you're doing such an amazing job!" they all have hints on how I could do it even better.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard "ya know what ya should do...".
So I'm taking the 1st 2 weeks in October off. Yes, the clubhouse if officially closed September 30 and technically I will be unemployed, I am still taking 2 weeks off. From society. Because I don't think I can go on if I don't get some piece and quiet. Every minute I'm at work makes me fair game. People don't care if your reconciling a bank statement, frying eggs or on the phone, THEY WILL STILL INTERRUPT! Yes, even in the bathroom. I had one man stand by the bathroom door and ask me questions.

So for the benefit of those I love I will not be taking any calls, emails or visits from October 1 - 14. Perhaps by then I will be willing to rejoin society. In case of emergency you make slip a note under the door, but I'm not going to respond until October 15. Thank you for you consideration.

THE LONGEST DAY OF THE YEAR

Reference books indicate that the summer soltice, June 21, is the longest day of the year. I have proof that the longest day is actually the 2nd day of the Moonshine Tournament.

After several 14 hours days preparing for the two day tournament, followed by a 15 hour 1st day of the tournament, after I have caught a cold (which seems a little ironic in light of the fact that the temperature is over 30 outside and 35 inside the clubhouse) and after too few hours of sleep and a raging fever and sore throat, I can attest that the longest day EVER is July 22. I've been here 12 hours already and have 3 more to go. But what will also add to the agony is the contreversy surrounding the championship flight.

It's a grand saga involving 11 men, disqualifications, disgruntled members, angry participants. I would have to stay another 2 hours beyond the 3 I will put in so we won't give you all the details. But the interesting thing the the top flight prizes include 2 cheap golf bags, a BBQ utensil set and a garden hose. Countries have gone to war for less. Wish me luck.

THE INVISIABLE WOMAN

It's an odd phenomenon. When I look in the mirror I can see my reflection. Not always pleasing but definetly there. On a taperecorder I can hear my voice. But yet, in the real world I appear to be invisible.

I can ask people for something and they nod and smile and then totally ignore me. It can only be explained as an anomaly. I leave instructions for people and they do whatever it is they want. Even after a debate where I present my arguments and make the final decision, I find that people ignore me and do it their way. Which is fine if your Frank Sinatra but really irritating when you're staff.

It in not only my voice that is easy to ignore. They will also ignore written notes. Even when they're underlined in red marker.

Yep, I'm invisible. Not just staff but people who apparently love me don't really need to see or hear me. They can just assume what is best. Takes the pressure off me since whatever I say doesn't matter. I can save myself time and aggrevation by letting people do whatever the heck they want. Me. I'll just sit here and drink. No point leaving a comment. I'm sure you can't see this anyway.

Someday my prince will come.

Today it occurred to me that the commoner has tricked me. He went to work in the oil patch and likes to pretend he's been banished from the kingdom. I often get calls from him expressing his desire to be able to come home but that, alas, the quest for the grail keeps him from his homeland.

But here's the truth. While his job keeps him busy for approximately 20 minutes a day, he fills his time with auction sales, naps, movies, golf excursions, shopping trips. I fill my time with weeding the vast garden he planted before he left, cutting the grass twice a week (5 hours each time), with a lawn mower that is hard to start and a push mower that won't start at all, driving aged parents - his and mine, paying the bills, while working seven days a week.

But now let's look at the terrible truth. You know that saying "fool me once, shame on you - fool me twice, shame on me." Well, the commoner has been fooling me for 28 years. Yep, 28. That's how many years I've been asking to move away. 28 years of me being the responsible one while he travels from job to job - in town to town. So while I'm here beinig the good wife, he's living my dream.

Yep, fool me twice, shame on me. So I'm looking for a prince to come and take me away from all this. I am accepting application. Please send resume with attached photo. Serious applicants only.

Golfing Rules

Apparantly, each golf course has it's own specific rules. How planted trees or out of bound balls are scored, that sort of thing. These are some that are Roblin specific.

1. Members of the ladies league are required to think of 3 things to complain about prior to coming into the clubhouse.
2. Members of the men's league will not support the clubhouse but will instead bring there own liquor from home, consume in on the course and spend hours after their game being obnoxious to the staff.
3. Overweight members will insist on driving their golf carts right up to the green and ignore all cart paths.
4. Serious golfers will talk loudly during the oppositions shot. Same golfers will pout if you talk during theirs.
5. All members will expect membership fees and cart costs be kept to a minimum while at the same time demanding course improvements.
6. Members are allowed to spend 20 minutes minimum looking for lost balls in the bush or in the water even though they have not shot anywhere near these obstacles.
7. Members should deduct a minimum of 2 shots per hole including mulligans and gimmee's.
8. Members are invited to travel south to the oppositions new course and spread the joy elsewhere.

Weather Forecast

An inch and a half so far. The Golf Course is closed until further notice. The restaurant is open for lunch. The staff is getting cranky cause I keep cutting hours. I'm getting cranky cause I'm expected to be here. The only thing to do now is to find good things about the rain.

1. Don't need to water plants.
2. No point washing windows.
3. Gives people plenty to talk about at the post office.
4. Don't have to see some on our more annoying members.
5. Saving money on sunscreen.
6. Have the chance to wear my rain bonnet.
7. Got lots of time to blog.
8. You don't have to shovel rain.
9. Geese look like they're having fun.
10. Forest fire danger is low.

If you can think of good things about rain please comment. No seriously, if you can think of good things to say about this weather please call me with the name and number of your supplier.

NO NEWS

You know what they say... no news is good news. I must be in a good mood cause I have nothing to whine about today. Therefore no blog. If you want to see a new blog tomorrow, I suggest sending someone in to irritate me. Oh wait, tonight's Ladies Night. Should have something to write about tomorrow.

A BETTER DAY

Summer's a busy time for me. Working pretty much 7 days a week and anywhere from 8 to 12 hours a day, getting a good night's sleep is pretty important to me. So this morning when my phone rang at 1:33 a.m. so that someone could tell me how worried about me they were and that I'm working too hard, and shouldn't put up with this crap, yada, yada, yada, you can imagine I was feeling a little less than thrilled.

I was feeling the love but maybe they could let me know at they care in the afternoon.

So advice to those of you who love me - please don't call after midnight and before 7:00 a.m. Thank you for your consideration.

A New Record

Tuesday I was sure that my morning was as bad as it could get. The men's league schedule had to be redone for the 4th time. I had staff issues. I woke up with a headache. But a good friend offered to bring along a bottle of wine and we would head out to Grandma B's greenhouse (my happy place).

But nooooo. I was proven wrong. Never underestimate the universe. Sometimes it can really just crap all over your parade. I had another, more serious, staff issue so I was going to have to cancel my greenhouse expedition. Then the phone rang and I was needed in the emergency room in Yorkton for my aunt. Turns out she's fine. So as I was driving home I couldn't help but smile because I new that Wednesday was sure to be a better day.

WRONG!!!

So now I sit working on the 5th draft of the men's schedule. The staff I had scheduled for 9 is still MIA and it's 10:08. Woke up with another headache. This is my day off but I've already worked 2 hours, still need to do a financial statement for a board meeting tonight. Yep, living the dream.

I've watched "The Secret". But apparently all I'm attracting is the crap that everyone else didn't want. Sure would like a guarantee that tomorrow won't suck. Please forward any guarantees to me at your earliest convenience.

The Merits of Marriage

Yep, I complained about the commoner. But after serious consideration I took stock and realized that there's amazing advantages to be married.

My darling is, as we speak, fixing the septic pump for the golf course. This is one of the many services he provides at no cost. He's also that handy at home. He cooks, he cleans, does home repairs, car repairs, shops, landscapes, listens to my whining, pretends not to be horrified by my just-out-of-bed appearance, empties mouse traps, doesn't question my money management skills, listens to me babble, drives all the way when I'm too tired, rubs my feet, laughs at my jokes. The list is endless. So even though he farts in front of me I know I've got it good. Just promise you won't tell him. I'd hate to give up my advantage.

The Virtues of Dating

Girls, remember when you first started dating your sweetheart? How you would never be caught dead without shaving your legs, full face makeup (somewhat Geisha-like). You were always sweet and charming - perhaps a little coy?

A your darling in turn - always smelled good. Was always freshly shaved. A little sweetie who whispered sweet nothings and brought flowers. And would never, ever fart in from of you.
And then you marry. A while marriage is a fine institute for those of us who need to be institutionalized, there is much to be said for dating.

Wouldn't it be nice to go back to the dating days. When you were taken out for dinner at night since you had worked so hard and might be tired. Maybe a movie, perhaps even one you might like as opposed to the car chasing, skinny chick, kick-boxing crap that somebody else might like. Compliments flowed like wine. Gifts for no special occasion. Yes, girls, those were the good old days.

But it's interesting, that even when marriages break up and you can no longer live happily ever after, that most women will dive right back in and marry again. So my dear friends, I am not telling you to end your marriage but perhaps if it does end you should consider the virtues of dating. Find a great guy and date him till death do you part.

Living the Dream

Another day of making 50 pounds of ground beef into patties. Mixing a batch of marinade for 80 steaks. Scheduling league play for the golf course. Ordering liquor, groceries, supplies. Sitting at my computer wondering what it's going to take for me to get the hell out of the jobs that I don't like and do what I really want.

Could it be fear? Perhaps some insecurity from my youth? Perhaps the apprehension of being ridiculed for my attempts. Or knowing that total failure would crush my dreams forever.

All my life I've known what I've really wanted to do. I can picture it in my mind so clearly. I can hear the noises associated with it. So badly do I want it that I can practically taste it. But 30 years of trying to earn a living has put my into a routine that I can't escape. Most days I know that only I can make the changes necessary to pursue my dream. I know this in my brain and feel it in my heart but the fear has settled in my bowels and it is clear to me that it is this organ that rules my life.

So please send out positive thoughts to the universe and also send comments on my page. Perhaps with your help I will take the plunge and live the dream of being a Rockette.

The light of day

Well, I've had a chance to sleep on it. Still cranky. But after some consideration I am willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and admit that perhaps the kitchen did not earn 87% of the profits. It may have been less. But you know how we princesses get when we've been wronged. Like the time somebody stole my tiara. People will pay. When I assume my place on the throne - heads will role. Consider this fair warning if you intend to do me wrong.

If I were a rich man - da da da da da da doo

This is a picture of me ready for a fight.

Again this summer I am forced to toil at the Golf Course. How much was my raise? Nada. How much am I appreciated? Again, not so much. Nope, in fact, after working enough hours last year to make me contemplate moving to Latvia to earn .71 Euro's an hour, I was not offered the raise promised to me last fall.

I missed the last board meeting but it was discussed that "maybe you could cut your staffing budget by about $10,000?". I actually took the time to do the math. That's about 29.4% of a cut. Keep in mind the profits shown on the financial sheet came about 87% from the kitchen.

I am looking for reasonable suggestions on how to run a kitchen that earns 87% of the company's income without the pesky cost of staff. Some *$#&*@ outlawed slavery. I tried blackmail, extortion and volunteers to no avail. So if you can come up with a viable solution please comment. All and any help is appreciated. Perhaps a self-serve kitchen but who would do the dishes? Maybe members can brown bag it and be charged a fee for eating on the course. Naturally,fees would be collected on the honor system. Or perhaps, members wishing to have a meal could bring a non-golfing spouse or parent along to do the cooking. I realize the possibilites are endless. I look forward to your comments. Also, if you hear of any work for a princess in Latvia, let me know.